Over the last 11 years in practice, I have had the privilege of working with hundreds of clients. So often, we, as lawyers, think about the practice of law and believe that the learning moments come as we read through the Court of Appeals cases that come out each week or reflect on an interpretation of a subsection of statute in a new way or listen to a colleague explain how they exceptionally used a procedural rule to their client’s advantage. Law is made up of rules, cases, and statues. Law also is made up of the clients that over the last 11 years have taught me so much. Here are just three, of the many, lessons I have learned from my clients.
1. Adversity develops strength.
A judge once said to me that family law clients, more than any other type of client, come to their attorneys at their very bottom. Family, for many, is the fundamental framework of life and nothing is worse than when it is broken. On top of the family stress, clients have tremendous financial obligations in family law matters not only of legal fees but often of establishing a new household.
Notwithstanding this stress, I have watched clients bloom in the divorce process. One woman stands out in particular. I remember the first time I met her. She was leaving an abusive, alcoholic husband and during the long term marriage had forgotten herself to such a degree she was almost “ghost like”; she was pale, underweight, sad, and told me that she did not remember the last time she had even gotten a haircut. Over the next nine months, we worked through her divorce. Towards the end, we met to figure out some final details. I can still remember how she looked when she walked into my office that day. She was nicely dressed, had gained a little weight, had color, and most noticeably her hair looked great. I complimented her new hair style and she beamed. She told me that she loved her new stylist and would be happy to provide me with her information. The woman who couldn’t remember the last time she had gotten a haircut was now passing out referrals for her stylist.
I was both humbled and overwhelmed in that moment. Through this client, I was given the opportunity to watch somebody on one hand loose the life that they had as a married home maker but subsequently completely rebuild their life in to something amazing as a working mother who valued both herself and her family.
2. Let it be.
Sometimes divorces and custody matters are born from a realization that a relationship does not work. There is no big break up. Nobody is cheating on anyone. The bank account was not secretly drained to pay for a gambling addiction.
At the same time, there are plenty of relationships that end because one or both the parties behaved very badly. Sometimes those clients react with the attitude of “destroying the other party” but other times I am struck by the grace in which some clients respond. While I understand both reactions, I have learned a lot particularly through clients that forgive and/or forget and move on. Watching a client “let it be” and move forward in a productive and thoughtful way, has forced me to evaluate my reactions in situations of vast (and sometimes, relatively minor) disappointment.
3. Diversity makes the world more interesting.
I have been extremely lucky in my practice to have a diverse client base. I have clients that have made almost mid-six figures to other clients who have made minimum wage. I have clients that were born and raised in Minnesota and other clients that were born all over the world. Some of my clients don’t speak English.
While I have always been an avid traveler and almost “cultural junkie”, working with clients at this level has brought more appreciation to the diversity around me. From Hmong clients, I have learned a lot about their religious and cultural practices. An Egyptian client taught me about the dynamics of relationships in traditional Egyptian families. A Honduran client shared the secrets of tapado olanchano (a type of soup). I relish in everything that I learn about how other people and cultures see and live in the world.
Needless to say, I have been fortunate in my practice. Not only do I get to practice law, I have had the opportunity to work with so many clients that have both taught me a lot and challenged the way I think and react to life. Thank you to each of you and I look forward to the next 11 years.
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